06 August 2014

Well, that was both nauseating and educational

Today, as I walked into a grocery store, I spotted a person whom I know (call them ‘Pan’ as a suitable acronym/handle) at the other end of an aisle.

They were dressed in a “power” colour and black, were (as always) so wrapped up in themselves that they were oblivious to everything outside their circle of interest, and were dominating a conversation with an older couple.

The husband was significantly taller than Pan, the wife significantly shorter. Pan hadn’t needed to assume an overbearing posture or anything like that, however the couple were reacting to Pan’s controlling actions as if they were puppets. The only important thing in the Universe to them at that that instant was obviously Pan.

This fits the character: to Pan, other people are only important in their appointed rôle (always, of which rôle they are completely unaware) of making Pan look good. That is all.

One of the (many) contradictions in Pan’s life is that they literally don’t care about others at all, other than that they appear to look good to said others. <shrug> I don’t know how this can be, and I very much wish that their actions had no effect on me or on those I care about.

Contra that, feelings like fear, love, anger or joy have no meaning at all for Pan beyond their use as methods for controlling others. Consequently, they have no conscience at all, and absolutely no sense of empathy.

Nausea? I remember having reacted like a puppet, in very much the same fashion.

Education? That massive disconnection from reality explains some of the apparently idiotic actions Pan has taken (legal documents applying only to premises outside their area of jurisdiction, false accusations of others having done the very things that Pan had already (and/or has since) done, painstakingly hammering false memories into the minds of innocents, that manner of thing).

As long as Pan can claim that they have taken certain actions, aspects of the situation like truth or integrity have no meaning; they are irrelevant to Pan, and so (by regal definition) irrelevant to all others. Pan can effectively get what they want, and hang the consequences, if any. The one-word term for this is bullying.’


Since angerhas no meaning for them, actions which are immediately potentially lethal (including to themselves) were not taken by Pan out of anger (although they willingly feign anger when it suits their purposes), they were taken in defence’ of a grandiose (and false) self-image.

Pan thinks that without said grandiose (and false) self-image, they have nothing and are nothing.

News Bulletin: as this self-image is a mirage (not real, not genuine at all) Pan has nothing and is nothing.

How someone who is (in emotional terms) completely heartless deals with this, I dont know. I strongly suspect that the answer is “not at all.”

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