24 June 2010

Child-rearing tip II

Freedom of choice is massively important to your child.

That doesn’t imply that you should go insane & let them wander around totally uncontrolled.

That does mean that as they understand that their opinions & actions are truly important (will change planned actions) to you (& so to others), they deduce that they themselves are important, so what they say & do becomes important to them, they mysteriously become responsible & considerate.

To mention that this cues them up well for their teenage years & beyond would be the understatement of the century.

You avoid all manner of potential trauma, such as conditioning them into Passive Aggression or Narcissism, or allowing them to slip into Karpman’s Drama Triangle habits.

Quite aside from the outright material costs which will inevitably be incurred in dealing with the physical aspects of such traumatic outcomes, you will raise a child with genuine self-worth rather than hyper-inflated egotism (which often camouflages massive insecurity), courage rather than bravado, true independence rather than isolationism or control-freakery. This is a very good plan! (-:

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