25 April 2009

Aren’t children wonderful...?

A little boy went up to his father & asked: “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?”

He replied, “Well, son, you must have got it from your Mum, ’coz I still have mine.”




A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to Emergency at hospital, took the husband aside & said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”

“Me neither, doc,” he said, “But she’s a great cook & really good with the kids.”




An elderly man seeks a wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he’s been living with for the last 40 years. The wizard responds, “Maybe; but you’ll have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”

The old man replies with no hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

[the laugh of those who have suffered time with a passive-aggressive personality disordered (PAPD) spouse will have a thoughtful tone to it, ditto the next one]




Moe: “My wife got me believing in religion.”

Joe: “Yeah? Really?”

Moe: “Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.”

[doubters are advised to look up the conditions of eternal life, & invert them for a clear picture of Hell: There will be complete distrust, in absolutely everything. There will be danger. There will be turmoil. If you think about it, we value people & situations for what they don’t do: no betrayal or manipulation, no danger, peace in place of turmoil.]




A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears & asks him how he is feeling.

“I’m OK, but I didn’t like the four letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.

“What did he say?” asked the nurse.

“Oops!”




Please ekscuse Johnny from being absent from Maths on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.




Please excuse Jamie for being. It was his father’s fault.




[this one was obviously well-behaved. not.] Please excuse my daughter for being late. Her broom won’t start so I had to send it back to Salem for repair.




A man was imprisoned, but he really wanted to get out, so he dug a hole under the ground until he game out in a school playground. He was really happy about his escape, so he shouted, “I am free!” A little girl replied, “So what? I’m five. I’m older.”




A police officer saw a lady with a penguin. He said. “Take him to the zoo.”

The next day he saw the same lady with the same penguin & said, “I thought I told you to take him to the Zoo.”

She said, “I did. He loved it. Today were going to Rottnest.”

[devised by Dellianna, age 9, then localised]

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