26 April 2008

Honesty by itself is not enough

It seems that an honest conversation, if it’s one-way only, allows the other person to freely misinterpret what you say, confuse key issues, & selectively copy out portions of what you did actually say, & present those portions as evidence against you before others.

The stunning thing is that this can happen completely without malice, as an essentially “self-defensive” measure. That’s a refreshing change from the last few years’ abuse, betrayal, lies & insanity — & it appears to have been a wholly honest mistake — but it’s still hard to take.

In this particular case, it’s come as the single biggest emotional hit I’ve taken in 17 years.

That’s particularly sad as I enjoy(ed) the other person’s company immensely. More than immensely.

Doubly sad as it completely axes one possible option for immediate accommodation here in Perth.

It’s a fairly complete antithesis to the excellent reactions I’ve had from essentially random acquaintances recently. Sigh. It would be nice if there was a reasonable alternative.

Meanwhile, if the person concerned gets to read this: please forgive me for my clumsiness, understand that I intended no pain, that if I had the opportunity to re-do this, my approach would be drastically different, & despite the emotional hit I still see & treasure your amazing value, even if you’re not so sure of it yourself (“If we could really forgive ourselves for all the things we think are wrong with us, we would be free.” — Tara Brach).

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