26 June 2006

It all comes out squaw

Imagine an American Indian tribe — in particular three families, the Smiths, the Joneses and the Chiefs.

Squaw Smith “falls” pregnant, so the chief of the Smith family improves their tent by finding, hunting & adding a deer-hide to it for softness and warmth. Squaw Smith is pleased, and gestates appropriately.

Squaw Jones presumably trips over and “falls” solidly pregnant herself, so now it’s up to the Jones family chief to compete with the Smiths. Tribesman Jones can’t merely match the Smiths’ improvement and retain his own status, so he tops it by hiking into the next valley and hunting down a buffalo hide for their tent. The buffalo-hide is larger, softer & warmer than a deer-hide, which pleases Squaw Jones immensely.

Then social unrest descends when Squaw Chief develops the bulge of motherhood as well.

The tribe’s chief looks around puzzled. He’s well-aware of how such bulges arise, but buffalo is the most sumptious local hide, so he’s wondering how to outdo the Jones family.

After much head-scratching, Chief impels his brother to take his own canoe down-river, then out into the sea, then island-hop around the coast & across islands in the mighty blue water to Africa, where he is finally able to secure a hippopotamus hide. This is larger, software & better-insulating than the other two hides.

Brother Chief eventually works his way back home again with his immense prize, and Chief himself presents it grandly to his Squaw. It smells a little, but is very impressive so the Chiefs leave it in place to see how well it works.

The Chiefs’s tent is much larger than the other two tents & had been built by a tribesman with a funny Greek name, something like Hyper-Tonne-Use.

Squaw Smith gives birth to a happy little son. Squaw Jones brings forth a beautiful pair of twin daughters.

Squaw Chief finally tops them all with mixed triplets, showing that the sum of the squaws in the Hyper-Tonne-Use tent equals the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.

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